Back again!

Well, as per my typical self I've fallen off the blog-ing bandwagon, what else is new? I have no excuse other than just living life & being a busy mama of soon, two! Feels that way already some days! Lol. Anyways, we found out we're expecting our next baby at the end of January, beginning of February 2012 and it's going to be lots of fun! It will be about a month before Lil turns two. :)

It's funny How things change EVEN MORE when you realize you're going to be adding another little person to your family. Budget, daily routines, home/furniture/sleep arrangements, meal planning, car situations, vacations, even simple things like going out to dinner with one extra person...even if that person is a sleepy breastfed baby. ;) Having a toddler, a very demanding toddler, on board already requires special consideration too!

With Lil now in her own toddler bed, weaned (98% of her own doing), kinda potty training and being so constantly energetic we've had to consider if she's going to throw tantrums more frequently for a while because baby gets to nurse, sleep with mommy & daddy and all around get what she sees as "special treatment" and I must confess, I'm a bit lost for ideas on how to deal with this right now! Just love and more love right? :) Just the ramblings of a tired, pregnant woman!

Well, I should PROBABLY go attempt sleep again. Woke up stiff, sore, awake and hungry at 3am and couldn't fall back asleep. Later today, or tomorrow I'll try and post about my new meal planning tips (for my picky veggie eater) and share a delicious protien and veggie filled quinoa dish that Lil and I are gobbling up!

Giving Children Presence...

As I'm laying here, unable to sleep & knowing our DD will be up shortly to nurse I figured what a better time to blog? I'm already horribly inconsistent, but children often do that to life.

This week I've been challenged with many parenting decisions and been involved in some odd conversations. After taking a step back and analyzing all of them what it all comes down to is how people look at their children. Are they enjoyed, worked with and taken into consideration? Or are they enjoyed but need to be fit in to the already established parental routine? These differences are usually subtle but can cause huge differences in the way parents get along.

Well, this is where we stand. I think it's important so thought I'd share...I'd love to know how you work with your child.

We practice mostly AP at the house, and since doing so Lillian is a much happier baby. But aside from parenting styles, feeding choices or anything like that the biggest change we've made is giving Lillian presence. We make sure to give her quality, uninterrupted time of playing, reading, cuddling, etc. each day without worrying about the phone that's ringing or the dishes which need to be washed. We also have learned to work around her schedule, not ours. When it's nursing, meal, nap or bed time we respect her needs and try to keep a 'routine' that suits her. It makes things complicated sometimes but it makes her a happier baby. She's able to predict what's coming & it prevents meltdowns, usually ;)

This PDF from API really further explains why i feel giving children presence and working with them, not trying to fit them into our lives is so important.
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/pdfs/GivingOurChildrenPresence.pdf
There is a section where it says "the child has feelings, thoughts, and intentions of their own" and that really describes what we see at home.

I was questioned about the fact that Lillian, who is still breastfed and going through separation anxiety right now; goes everywhere with me or we can't attend a get together because it doesn't work with her routine. Can't I go out without her? Why can't we ever do a lunch with her? As I understand others desires for separation and entertainment/fun I also understand my childs needs. So I gently said, "she's only little once, and I respect her needs for consistency and me."

It's sometimes difficult for people to comprehend that a lunch date just won't work most days because she eats at 11:45/12 & is out by 12:30...and that she nurses to sleep. Yes, I can go out without my child, but it needs to be after bedtime for her. All these things just seem normal to me and when I'm in a group where its not 'the norm' the questions just keep coming...
- "you mean she still nurses to sleep?"
well, mostly, yes. Its what we know & I love that bonding time with her.
- "does she actually sleep in your bed?"
not all the time for medication related reasons, but if she's having a rough night, yeah.
- "she doesn't sleep for the whole night?"
there are rare nights when I get 10/11hrs out of her before she wakes to nurse, but it depends on how the day went.
- "you can't leave her with a babysitter?!?!"
Well, we can, but it has to be family she knows well and it's usually scheduled around her nursings & naps. Besides, shes only a year old & she doesn't understand time or the phrase "mommy will be right back"
- "what about your poor husband?" (this one made me laugh out loud)
Well, he's actually enjoying it. He gets daddy daughter time & playtime, then time alone with me before I pass out and he plays video games to his hearts content. And, best of all, when she cries at night he doesn't mind because he knows I'll take care of it.
- "when do you get a break?"
I never said it's easy, but after bedtime I know I have a certain amount of time to decompress/get out if needed...plus I have great mama friends for during the day!
And my favorite...
- "aren't u going crazy?"
Lol, not usually. She usually has a blast playing with her toys, and is pretty happy 90% of the time. Makes it very rewarding.

Our children are the future, I want mine to have the best possible chance to succeed and for us that means starting young. We have lots of interaction, responsiveness, gentleness/empathy, educational toys/experiences and lots of love mingled in. It works for us & I'm glad. If it needs to be adapted later on, great, that's the joy of parenting a child it's a work in progress. After all, I couldn't very well tell my 2 week old no to nursing but I can tell my 1 year old no to animal cookies ;). Presence has been the most rewarding thing we've been able to give Lillian. The difference in her attitude, adaptability and willingness to entertain herself more often is astounding. All because she's come to know her routine, that we'll always be there for her, and that she comes first. I firmly believe all kids need to know presence in these ways but I guess that's cause it works for us.

http://freetobeparenting.com/blog/?p=37
http://www.uncommon-parenting.com/advice-articles/give-presense-not-presents/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/intro.php

Donor Milk? Yes please!

Phew, what a week we've been having!!! All I can say and teeth + cold + ear infection = a nasty combo! At any rate, back in the swing of things today & since I'm going to be on the news tonight regarding this topic I figured it's perfect to blog about! 

Donor breast milk is still rather controversial in many peoples minds. However, in any senario I personally believe that it is a wonderful and perfectly natural option for moms who want to breastfeed but are otherwise unable to do so. 

Forgive my lack of originality, but the person who wrote the Wikipedia article on donor milk said it best: "According to a joint statement by the World Health Organization (WHO) and United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF): "The best food for a baby who cannot be breastfed is milk expressed from the mother's breast or from another healthy mother. The best food for any baby whose own mother's milk is not available is the breastmilk of another healthy mother" (UNICEF, p. 48). "Where it is not possible for the biological mother to breast feed, the first alternative, if available, should be the use of human milk from other sources. Human milk banks should be made available in appropriate situations" (Wight, 2001)."

There are very few medically run donor banks, and some are better than other. But one of the biggest problem with donor banks can be the cost of the milk. While donors are not paid for their milk, the costs of screenings, pasteurizing, storing & delivering the milk does cost money. Usually milk banks charge anywhere from $3-$5 per ounce of milk. Some insurance companies say they will cover milk banks; however, that is often misleading as most coverage is only for extreme circumstances. Recieving donor milk from a bank also requires a prescription. The milk banks offer peace of mind to mothers with screenings & pasteurization but there are few banks around & often the cost/hassle deters moms.

With that being said, it comes as no surprise that informal milk sharing has gained huge momentum. Organizations such as Eats On Feets and Milkshare use the web to gather donor/recipient info and the rest is up to the mamas. With informal milk sharing it is the receiving moms responsibiliy to ask for prenatal tests (specifying any transferrable diseases donor mom may carry), arrange for shipping or meeting for milk, as well as scalding the milk to kill bacteria that may be present.

With informal donations there are some risks. Obviously, the risk of transmitting HIV, hepititus and other virus's concern mothers. These can be lifelong battles if transmitted from donor to baby. Not to mention if a donor mom is ill but has no symptoms or if there is a drug resistant bacteria involved. There is also the possibility of a donor mom passing along drugs or alcohol. Most of these risks can be taken care of with open communication, some paperwork and a little work on the recieving mamas end. 

Yet, with all these risks some people may think, why go through all the trouble? Isn't formula just as good? In my opinion, no, especially not in premis or babies with health complications. I do recognize that every mother has the right to choose what is right for her child and I will not pass judgement on a mama who decides formula is what is best for her family. I also recognize that many organizations have said that informal milk sharing is not safe, this includes LLL, one of my most favorite groups around. With all that said I will admit I'm a boob juicing fanatic and I believe breast is definitely best in any way, shape or form possible. Even if its only for a short period, any breastmilk is better than non at all in my opinion!

Formula fed infants are more susceptible to bacteria, diseases & other illnesses including ear infections, eczema, gastrointestinal infections, asthma & SIDS. I also worry about the possible contamination of formula or allergic reactions to the cow/soy proteins & high amount of corn used in formula. (See article here http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/11/28/risks-of-informal-breastmilk-sharing-versus-formula-feeding/ regarding the formula vs donor sharing debate).

As a mom you do what YOU feel is best for your child and your family. And as a mom you're also given way to much unsolicited advice, it's all a matter of what you research & personally hold as true that govern your decisions. 

Do I exclusively breastfeed? Yes. Do I think breast milk is awesome and want to share that with others? Yes! Do I believe milksharing, when precautions are taken it is a wonderful gift? Yes. I can say that though because for a short time I was able to donate milk to a wonderful mama and her beautiful little girl. It was an amazing gift to share & to see the little one grow, knowing my milk was helping her!

I've attached some other links regrding the safety & debate about milk sharing below.

LLL's stand: http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvaprmay00p19.html

Kellymom.com has some articles for thought http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/donor-milk.html
Nancy Mohrbacher's opinion: http://www.nancymohrbacher.com/blog/2010/12/6/should-milk-sharing-among-mothers-be-encouraged.html

Baby led weaning!

Who forgot to write a blog for 2 or 3 days? Me! Whoops. Well, yesterday was a wash as our whole day was a whirlwind of unexpected chaos. I digress, today's soapbox is baby led weaning...

I received an email today titled "Your baby at 12 months, welcome to toddlerhood" and 1/2 of it was about transitioning your baby from spoon fed purees to table food. I had to laugh at all the posts on this article where moms were so frustrated about their children hating "adult foods" and just spitting them out/playing with them. Well, if they had be introduced to them from the get go you wouldn't be having this problem...ok, well not as bad anyways. I mean all kids play with their food to an extent :). So after all this I pulled up some websites and decided this was a good topic for today!

Baby led weaning is how we've fed Lillian. She did get some stuff via spoon, but that was applesauce, sweet potaotes, yogurt etc. BLW is simply cutting up whatever you're eating at meal times in small chunks for baby to grab. BLW allowed Lillian to feed herself and really learn how to eat. This did include a few gagging inccidents but being breastfed she figured it all out.

In case your wondering why that makes a difference, breastfed babies have a better idea of what's going in their mouth & how much because they do that when nursing. Unlike being bottle fed where nipples often automatically let formula release and it's much easier to get out of the artificial nipples. Breastfed babies have also already experienced different flavors of foods from moms milk and they've begun learning to chew through breastfeeding too, so it is ideal for them!

BLW is gradual. You offer nursing first and afterwords offer baby nurtional foods to let him or her explore. Now, BLW is not completely hands off, as in set the soft cooked or diced food down & let baby fend for itself. Sometimes you may need to guide baby's hands or show him/her how to pick foods up. It's all about watching babies cues and determining their rediness. You're teaching baby how to eat, not spoon feeding him :). We would hand Lillian large hunks of peeled apple, carrots, celery, avocado, pears, bananas, etc and just let her knaw on them. She thought that was the coolest thing on the earth. Well, until I laid a big scoop of sweet potatoes on her tray & let her go to town! :)

Since following this approach we've saved money & time. No expensive, nasty tasting purees; just a bite of whatever mom & dad are eating. No rice cereal, just a few bites of moms oatmeal. No need to have 'special' meals set aside or lugged around if we're out. AND, the #1 reason I love it...I actually get to eat my meals instead of having to spoon feed my child! At almost 12mths old Lillian feeds herself and has just started using a spoon to get her yogurt/applesauce out of the bowl I'm holding. It's wonderful.

Here are a few links with more, in depth information.

1) guidelines for implementing BLW:
http://www.borstvoeding.com/voedselintroductie/blw/engels.html (this is a Sweedish website but LOVE this article)

2) BLW - The fuss free way to introduce solids
http://www.rapleyweaning.com/

3) BLW - the mush stops here
http://www.babyledweaning.com/

4) BLW PDF Pamphlet:
http://baby-led.rhgdsrv.co.uk/pdf/blwleaflet.pdf

5) is BLW the best way to introduce solid foods?
http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/babyledweaning.htm

Happy eating!

Babywearing, yes, that means having your child attached to you

Ah babywearing, it can be done with a sling, it can be done with a wrap it can be done with a soft shelled carrier...it can be done anywhere! Ok, before I get all Dr. Suessish on you let's move on to benefits of babywearing, types of carriers & types of carries (front, side & back).

**Benefits: I personally prefer babywearin for three reasons; one, my child is attached to me and is happier. Two, I have TWO hands to do things with. Three, if she's being carried around an unfamiliar/stimulating atmosphere she is less likely to become over stimulated & grouchy. Here are some other reasons babywearing is awesome!

1) Moms oxytocin is increased by through physical contact with baby. This promotes a better maternal bond & often easier breastfeeding (which can be done in a sling too!) These factors can lower a womans risk of postpartum depression. (""Regulation of anxiety during the postpartum period" Lonstein, Joseph S., Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology, Volume 28, Issues 2-3, August–September 2007, Accessed 2009-05-09)

2) Children who are worn are usually calmer because their primal/survival needs are being met. Mom can be seen, heard, smelled & touched and their food source is readily accessible. This also promotes better neural, gastrotinestinal and inner ear health & muscle tone. IE: worn babies don't need 'tummy time' as often because they're already looking around & using the required muscles. (Morris, D. (1992). What Comforts a Baby? In Babywatching (pp 80-82). New York: Crown Publishers Inc)

3) Babies who are worn at an early age are more attuned to parental rythyms of walking, heartbeat etc. and this has a balancing/soothing effect on them! Hence why babies calm down once in the carrier & often doze off.

4) Slings/carriers/wraps facilitate a more secure attatchment to caregivers. They also help children to develop socially because they are closer to people (not their knees). Children can study facial expressions, become familiar with body language & learn language faster. 

( Kitzinger, Sheila. (1989). The Crying Baby. Penguin Books; ^ Anisfeld, E., Casper, V., Nozyce, M., & Cunningham, N. (Oct., 1990). Does Infant Carrying Promote Attachment? An Experimental Study of the Effects of Increased Physical Contact on the Development of Attachment. Child Development, Vol. 61, No. 5, 1617-1627.)

5) Worn infants have less of a chance of developing a "flat head" because they spend less time on their backs in swings, carseats, bouncing/vibrating chairs etc. Most babywearing parents also wear babies while they sleep, which also helps avoid flat spots.  (Littlefield, Timothy R. "Car Seats, Infant Carriers, and Swings: Their Role in Deformational Plagiocephaly," Journal of Prosthetics & Orthotics 15, no. 3 (2003): 102-106.)

**Types of carriers:

1) Ring slings: my personal favorite for hip carries. These are one long piece of fabric attached to two rings at one end. When the material is folded strategically & threaded through the rings it creates a fully adjustable pouch for baby. Newborns can be curled up & put in facing the wearer, older babies can be forward worn & once they're able to sit up on their own hip carries are simple too. All with one product! These ARE NOT bag slings that go over babies face or head. I prefer this brand of ring slings https://www.mayawrap.com/

2) Wraps: I love my wrap for back carries on long outings to the zoo, Shedd Aquarium or forest preserves. Wraps are one HUGE piece of fabric that is wrapped around mama & baby then tied to secure. These can be used for toddlers & even older children (I have a mama friend that can wear her 4yr old this way because of how the weight is distributed). Some brands are Ellaroo, Didymo and Storchenwiege. There are many more, but these were the first ones I could remember!

3) Soft shelled carriers: NOT baby bijorns. Any carrier that has plastic pieces in-between the childrens legs or does not support the "Spread-Squat-Position" can cause a miriad of hip/spinal issues in infants. Infants/toddlers legs should never just dangle free or hang out of a carrier. To learn more about this please see the article & resources here http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/press/2007/11/spreadsquatposition.html#more. Soft shelled carriers such as Ergos, Babyhawks, Bobas, and Applesauce & Olives allow for proper positioning of baby plus optimal back/neck/shoulder support for mom or dad.

**Types of Carries (slings & wraps)

1) Using a ring sling: See this page for a breakdown of carries by age and babies head control/sitting ability. I love this page because it gives very clear instructions and has some videos too. http://zolowear.com/Wearing.aspx

2) Wrap carries:

Newborn front carry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=dORbWkAt1Js&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Older babies front carry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anO6Dl7Lncg&feature=youtube_gdata_player This can be used for toddlers too

My favorite, Tibetan/rucksack back carry: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHQay2iFHKk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The lady is speaking another language but you can clearly see what she's doing. This is the video I learned from :)

Another popular back carry, the double hammock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMW_GUkMdZw&feature=youtube_gdata_player. I like this carry but you need a longer wrap to do this.

3)Carriers: This will depend on the carrier you buy, see their websites or instructions for proper positioning and carries. :)

(All babywearing info from online sources, thebabywearer.com & Wikipedia)  

Baby/Mama Bargians

I attempted to start a post on babywearing last night but due to mastitis I'll finish that tomorrow. Todays post will be an easy one...mama bargain websites :)

I have bought many items from these sites because they occasionally have awesome deals. So I thought I'd share a few in case you haven't heard of them!

www.babyhalfoff.com

www.hipposteals.com

www.kidsteals.com

www.babysteals.com

www.mamasteals.com

One you need to join to see, but is worth it! www.zuilly.com (They aren't big on sending out tons of email, I've only received a handful of emails from them.)

If you're looking for deals on cloth diapers check out the FSOT Forum on diaperswappers.com :)

Pending more rest & feeling better tomorrow's blog will be a very detailed on babywearing!

Attachment Parernting Article

While there are some things that don't completely work for our family, we are mostly AP. I like the belief that children need to be handled firmly but gently and in many cases I've seen these methods work a lot better than punitive discipline. Now, I'm not saying that I will not parent and that my child will get away with misbehaving. However, I think it's important to recognize which behaviors are age appropriate before reprimanding. Children go through stages at every age and need to be redirected to learn acceptable behavior.

With that being said a mom in my AP group posted this article and I really like it
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7781300/attachment_parenting_in_a_detached.html?cat=25